When Home Isn't Safe
If Jim Lennon needed a reminder of the importance of WINGS, the charity that offers shelter for victims of domestic abuse in the northwest suburbs and then helps them rebuild their lives, he got one while attending a recent reunion of the program’s graduates.
Lennon, who is co-chair of the WINGS board of directors, smiled as he watched a 2-year-old girl play on a set of monkey bars. He did not know the girl was born to a WINGS graduate who had remarried after completing the program, having found a husband who would not abuse her. He did not know until the mother stood beside him at the playground and said, “If it wasn’t for WINGS, that child would not be here.”
The woman is a success story for WINGS, which stands for Women in Need Growing Stronger. She came to the program to escape the abuse of her first husband. She emerged with her self-esteem repaired, giving her the opportunity to build a new life and a new family.
“We help people at the lowest parts of their life,” said Lennon, a Palatine lawyer, “and if they buy into the program, they can come out more successful and stronger women.”
“We help them become financially stable and confident again,” WINGS Executive Director Rebecca Darr said. “We basically give them their wings.”
Landmark anniversary
This year marks WINGS’ 25th anniversary. The organization got its start in 1985 when a Schaumburg church group created an agency to help the homeless. Originally called Housing and Shelter Program, the group changed its name to WINGS in 1989 as it channeled its energies into helping homeless women and their children.
“What they found out when they were developing WINGS is that there really were not a lot of resources for women and children,” Darr said. “And they found that the reason these women were homeless was because of domestic violence.” Because domestic violence is about power and control, the victim usually does not have access to the money and finances. In most cases, the victims are women who must choose between homelessness and abuse. Safe Houses provide a safe alternative, but there is so little funding for them.
Through most of the 1990s WINGS remained a “small grassroots organization,” said Rita Canning of Inverness. Canning, who is now the board’s co-chair along with Lennon, joined the WINGS board in the late 1990s after serving on the board of Home of the Sparrow, a similar organization based in McHenry County. Canning said WINGS saw its greatest growth after Darr was hired 1999 and she became board president in 2000.
“When Rita found Rebecca, she found the engine that could,” said Diane Hill of Barrington, who serves on WINGS’ Leadership Board. Diane and her late husband, David, who own Kimball Hill Homes and built WINGS Safe House.
WINGS operates one emergency shelter; four group homes in Barrington, Palatine, Schaumburg and Park Ridge; and 23 apartments in Chicago and the north and northwest suburbs. The organization provided 43,791 nights of shelter to 382 women and children in the fiscal year that ended June 30. WINGS also runs three resale shops in Palatine, Schaumburg and Niles. Proceeds from these shops pay for roughly a third of the charity’s annual budget. “I think we would close our doors without the stores,” Canning said.
Following up on safety
The emergency shelter, also called the Safe House, provides refuge for women whose lives or safety are in immediate danger. For those ready to leave the Safe House, WINGS offers transitional housing in one of the group homes. As in the Safe House, women and their children do not pay to stay in the group homes, but they must set financial or educational goals and prove they are sticking to them. Once a woman finds a job, she may move into a WINGS apartment and pay a pre-set percentage of her income toward rent until she is self-sufficient.
“In some situations, we’ve been able to help them save up enough money to put a down payment on a townhouse,” Darr said.
The maximum stay in WINGS housing is two years. According to Darr, the average stay is 48 days in the Safe House and just under a year in transitional housing. WINGS recognizes that it may take months or years for a woman to regain the confidence to provide for herself and her children. WINGS staff and volunteers, along with workers from other social agencies, provide counseling throughout the clients’ time in the program; these services range from emotional counseling to legal advice, and from career coaching to financial planning.
“We are able to offer women a truly workable solution out of their situation,” said WINGS Board President Silvia Pérez Manetti of Arlington Heights. “We really do help them to find their way to a better place without violence.”
Throughout her time in the program, a client meets regularly with her coordinator of supportive services (Darr dislikes the term “caseworker”) to make sure the client is meeting the goals she has set for herself. “They don’t make it easy, but they make it possible,” said Sarah, a WINGS graduate who now serves on the board and lives in Barrington.
“The reason we don’t allow it to be easy,” Darr said, “is because we know how hard it will be when we’re not around anymore.”
Although the WINGS program may not be easy, it can be inspirational. Women can discover strengths they didn’t know they had. Sarah now has a job as a computer network administrator for an engineering firm. When she arrived at WINGS after five years in a physically abusive marriage and two months of living in her car, she didn’t think herself capable of having a career.
She and her two sons now live in a rental house; when she arrived at WINGS, her goal was to find a studio apartment. “I didn’t know how to dream bigger than that,” she says.
“I’m glad we changed that,” Darr told her.
Sarah nodded. “The WINGS employees saw a lot more in me than I saw in myself when I got here.”
Like many clients, Sarah entered the WINGS program through the Safe House. Before WINGS opened its Safe House in January 2005, the only such emergency shelters in the north and northwest suburbs were in Waukegan and Elgin. “They’re both pretty far apart,” Canning said, “and there was nothing in the middle to serve the victims of domestic violence.”
Building a dream
Opening a Safe House in the northwest suburbs was Canning’s goal when she hired Darr. “It was the naïveté that allowed me to go forward,” Canning said. “I didn’t know what I was doing. If I did, I probably wouldn’t have tried it.”
Although the alderman of the city where the Safe House is located voted to allow it, neighbors sued to block its construction. This delayed the project a year. When the $2 million construction project began in 2003, WINGS was counting on $875,000 in state funding pledged by former Gov. George Ryan. When the state budget crisis hit, then-Gov. Rod Blagojevich canceled the grant, and WINGS had to finish construction using money meant for operational costs. (The state eventually allocated all but $100,000 of the promised money by 2006.)
Despite the headaches, construction of the Safe House brought a new champion to WINGS: the late David K. Hill of Inverness. At the behest of another charity, HomeAid Chicago, Hill’s company, Kimball Hill Homes, oversaw construction of the Safe House. The more Hill learned about the Safe House’s purpose, the more devoted he became to the cause. His wife, Diane, joined the fight.
“He was and I have been inspired by stories of individuals and of how WINGS was instrumental in their lives,” Diane Hill said.
During construction Darr recalled the David Hill mantra: “We want this to be state-of-the-art. We want these people to have the best.” Hill donated much of his time to the project and convinced subcontractors to donate their services and materials. “I don’t know if we would have a domestic violence shelter without David Hill,” Canning said.
Shortly after Hill’s death in July 2008, WINGS instituted a David K. Hill Award to be given each year to a graduate who overcame great adversity. “That was just a tremendous honor,” Diane Hill said. In September 2008, Sarah became the award’s first recipient.
Comfort and security
Canning believes the 15,000-square-foot Safe House meets David Hill’s goals of being state-of-the-art. “Most women who come to it are surprised, pleasantly surprised, at how nice it is,” she said. The interior hallways are painted in warm burgundy and ochre. Draperies set off the first-floor living room from the hall. Resources in the basement include a 10-station computer lab and a large laundry room.
Yet the Safe House is built even more for the residents’ security than their comfort. Cameras keep the perimeter under constant surveillance, and the house is staffed 24 hours. No one enters unless the receptionist buzzes you in. The doors between the lobby and the living area are always locked. An alarm instantly alerts the local police to trouble.
For many residents, their stay may be the first time in years they feel safe, Canning said. “When they’re in the shower, they don’t have to worry about someone coming after them.”
The night Sarah arrived at the Safe House she brought her two sons, then 1 and 2. Darr said that 71 percent of the women who enter WINGS bring children, usually two or three each. “And they’re little kids.”
Focus on children and family
It is commonly thought that domestic violence is a women’s issue. In fact, WINGS serves more males annually than females because most of the children coming to WINGS with their mothers are boys. As a result, it is imperative that men are involved in designing and implementing the programs. Many men’s initiative programs have taken off around the country encouraging men to take a stand against abuse. WINGS is a member agency of the Northwest Suburban Alliance Against Domestic Violence, which launched its men’s initiative two years ago. The message is clear that domestic violence is not only a women’s issue, it is a societal issue.
Several of the Safe House rooms are devoted to children. The playroom on the first floor sports a cheery mural painted by South Barrington artist Sue Jacobs, a WINGS volunteer. Behind the house is a small playground surrounded by a 7-foot privacy fence. In the basement is what Darr calls, “the birthday room” – a storage room filled with toys, many of them donated by the Barrington Junior Women’s Club. In the birthday room, children can select and wrap birthday presents for their friends or other children in the Safe House.
“We are a lot different than many other shelters in the world, because we focus a lot of energy and resources on the children,” Darr said.
WINGS is also one of the few domestic violence shelters that brings in male counselors to work with boys in the Safe House. “We’re not anti-male,” Darr said.
“We need to have positive male role models for the children,” Manetti added, “as well as for the women.”
Lennon also believes it is important to have men serve on the board and work at the Safe House. “(The program) is very pro-family,” he said. “To be pro-family, the best thing to do is to have a positive view of men as well as women.”
Economic challenges
Like almost all charities, WINGS has been rocked by the down economy. “It’s killing us,” Darr said. Added Canning: “We’re running about as lean as you can, as is everybody else.”
Although the Safe House can accommodate 45 women and children, currently it takes in only 30 a night because WINGS can’t afford to run the shelter at full staff. “We haven’t been at capacity in some time,” Canning said.
WINGS has been operating on about $800,000 a year and could use another $400,000 to run at capacity in the shelter and transitional housing. To bring in more money, WINGS is exploring new fundraising opportunities such as the Chicago Dream Home Raffle (see sidebar).
People who wish to help WINGS can patronize its resale shops, donate money or volunteer at the resale shops or group homes (volunteers at the Safe House must take 40 hours of domestic violence training). Darr added that WINGS always can count on support from the Barrington area. “It’s such a wonderful community,” she said, “because if you ask for something, people are there for you.”
Once the country has weathered the financial storm, Canning sees a bright future for WINGS, with its combination of emergency shelter, transitional housing and continual counseling for its clients. “Rebecca and I believe WINGS is a fabulous prototype,” she said. “It’s an excellent, excellent program that can be used all over the United States.”
Lennon agrees. “The benefit of the WINGS program is the well-rounded aspect of it.” He also believes Canning and Darr are the right dynamic duo to push the program into new frontiers. “They have so much energy,” he said. “They keep us all going.”
Almost everyone calls Darr a “dynamo,” but Sarah also praises her empathy. “The way she talks to me now as a board member is the same way she talked to me as a resident.”
To Darr, that’s just how it should be. “We are all people trying to help each other.”
Wings Dream Home Raffle
Whoever wins the $1.3 million grand prize in the Chicago Dream Home Raffle also will help WINGS realize the dreams of families trying to break the cycle of domestic violence. The charity stands to earn $500,000 from the fundraiser, said WINGS Executive Director Rebecca Darr.
The winner will be named during the drawing on March 28. The grand prize is a $1.3 million dream home to be designed and built by Orren Pickell Designers & Builders of Lake Bluff. The winner has the option of taking $1 million in cash instead of the home.
Tickets for the raffle are $100 apiece, with discounts of $275 for packs of three tickets or $800 for packs of 10. No more than 28,000 tickets will be sold, in which case the odds of winning the house would be 1 in 28,000. In addition, at least 150 other prizes, including a Toyota Prius and a 50-inch flat-screen plasma TV, will be awarded. “The chances of winning are much better than playing the lottery,” said Rita Canning, co-chair of the WINGS board of directors.
WINGS will split the raffle’s proceeds with two other charities, HomeAid Chicago and Homes for Hope.
For information or to enter, visit www.chicagodreamhomeraffle.com. Tickets also are available at the WINGS Palatine resale shop, 756 E. Northwest Highway.
Understanding Domestic Violence
Many misconceptions surround the subject of domestic violence, and the WINGS staff deals with these misconceptions every day.
Perhaps the chief misconception revolves around what actions constitute domestic violence. Many people assume the term refers only to physical acts of violence. “They don’t want to call it domestic violence unless someone’s been hit,” said Sarah, a domestic violence survivor who graduated from the WINGS program and now serves on the board of directors.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence defines domestic violence as “the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and other abusive behavior perpetrated by an intimate partner against another.” WINGS Executive Director Rebecca Darr said, “Physicality is just an outer manifestation of the issue.” Insults and other forms of emotional abuse can be more deeply hurtful. “It’s just words,” Darr said, “but they destroy people.”
Another misconception is that the victim somehow did something to the trigger the abuse. “Even family members will think that: ‘You must have done something to antagonize him,’” said Rita Canning, co-chair of the WINGS board. “It’s not that at all,” adds her co-chair Jim Lennon. “I think that’s a terrible misconception.”
Anger is not the root cause of domestic violence. Rather it is the abuser’s need to exert power over his or her partner. “It’s always about power and control, no matter who’s doing it,” Canning said.
For a woman, the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when she leaves her partner, Darr said, because that is the moment he loses control over her. “A woman is more likely to be injured or killed when she is leaving,” Darr said.
For this reason, women must plan their exit and their destination carefully. “Going to family members is not a safe place,” Darr said, because the abuser can easily find his partner there and often is able to talk relatives into seeing his side.
Another major misconception is that domestic violence occurs only among poor families in cities and rural areas – not in upscale suburbs. Lennon says his eyes were opened when he became involved with WINGS. “I never realized how many cases there were and how it impacts so many people in the northwest suburbs,” he said.
WINGS offered shelter to 382 women and children in the fiscal year ending June 30. Eighty-one percent were from the suburbs and five women came from Barrington. Sarah recalls that one of her roommates in WINGS transitional housing was a woman from South Barrington. “There are people who are here (in WINGS) who come from a lot of money,” she says.
Domestic violence cuts across ethnic and racial lines as well as economic ones. Darr says the ethnic breakdown of WINGS clients for the previous fiscal year was 40 percent African-American, 35 percent Caucasian, 17 percent Hispanic, 3 percent Asian and 5 percent multiracial or other. “Domestic violence knows no boundaries,” said WINGS Board President Silvia Perez Manetti. “It crosses every aspect of what defines us.”
Another misconception that the WINGS staff want to quash is that domestic violence is a women’s problem. According to the Centers for Disease Control, the annual cost of domestic violence exceeds $5.8 billion, which includes health care costs, police and emergency services and lost productivity.
“It’s not a women’s problem,” Manetti said. “It’s a societal problem. It belongs to males and females collectively.”
Anyone who seeks help with domestic violence should call WINGS 24-hour hot line: (847) 221-5680. More information on WINGS program and service can be found at its Web site: www.wingsgprogram.com.
Jeffrey Westhoff is a freelance writer who lives in Palatine.